A healthy relationship is a beautiful balance of love, intimacy & sex, and it plays a key role in your overall health and happiness. Think of it like a 3-legged table – if one or more of the legs is broken or shorter than the others the table is unstable. The same goes with relationships.
An extended period of instability in your relationship (with yourself or your partner) causes stress and that stress can manifest in many unpleasant ways in the body. You thrive with a solid balance of love, intimacy & sex. But if you aren’t thriving, what’s going on?
Love is a pure emotion. Sex is perfectly natural. Intimacy is knowing yourself and reciprocally sharing with your partner – body, mind, heart and spirit.
So if love is pure and sex is natural, what causes unhappiness in relationships?
The answer lies in intimacy.
Intimacy is where all the baggage is, and our baggage is all the past hurts we bring forward into a relationship. And if you’re human, you have baggage – no one is immune. Every single person has experienced hurt, pain and maybe even trauma to a certain degree. It’s the unresolved, unprocessed and unidentified hurts that compromise the intimacy required for a happy, healthy relationship.
But where and how do you even start to establish or re-establish intimacy if there’s even a small amount of trouble in paradise?
First it’s important to know that intimacy is so much more than just emotions or sex. There are actually 5 main points of intimacy: Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit and Connection. When you see your patterns in each of these you can then start the process of creating new patterns that will heal hurts and draw you and your lover closer together.
Body – Physical Intimacy: This is the sexual and non-sexual pleasure you enjoy with all 5 senses: touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. It’s tuning into your own relationship with your body. The more non-sexual pleasure you experience – you’ll be happier, have a healthier body and enjoy better sex.
Mind – Thought Intimacy: These are your sexual and non-sexual ideas, memories, experiences, fantasies and beliefs. It’s being aware of your positive thoughts vs. your negative thoughts. It’s limiting beliefs that keep you stuck – doubt, fear, guilt, shame, judgments, blame etc. The more positive your thoughts – you’ll be happier, have a healthier mind and enjoy better sex.
Heart – Emotional Intimacy: This is the way you tune into your emotions and openly share them in a positive way with another. It’s your fears hurts pain but also your loving feelings of openness, caring, compassion, affection etc. The more often you experience positive emotions – you’ll be happier, have a healthier nervous system and enjoy better sex.
Spirit – Spiritual Intimacy: This is knowing your true authentic self and expressing yourself fully – both sexually and non-sexually. It’s your energetic presence and essence. Your inner light and radiance. The more alive and free you feel in your authenticity – you’ll be happier, have healthier sexuality and enjoy better sex.
Connection – Relationship Patterns: This is how you relate to yourself and your partner in each of the point of intimacy – body, mind, heart and spirit. It’s your verbal and non-verbal patterns of connecting and communicating. The more positive and open your connection – you’ll be happier, have a healthier relationship and enjoy better sex.
Intimately connecting with another begins by intimately connecting with yourself. It starts by taking an honest look at yourself – body, mind, heart and spirit and what your relationship patterns are. These patterns aren’t part of your personality – they’re rooted in habits you developed to protect yourself – your baggage.
The good news is that anyone at any age can learn how to let go of their baggage. Intimacy is the gateway to happier, healthier relationships that lead to a happier, healthier life.